Entitlement

I was working on a talk about 'entitlement in children' and found some interesting information that I thought I would pass along. (It may come in handy around the holiday season, if you know what I mean!)

Some people say we are raising the most indulged children ever in history.

Entitlement doesn’t just come from money spent. It comes from sheltering our children from disappointment and giving them a false sense of confidence. Some children feel owed or entitled to get their way. They have not learned to balance taking with giving.

What does it mean to over-indulge or pamper? It means ‘doing something for a child that they can do for themselves.’ ‘Or giving kids too much and expecting too little from them.’

Some examples:
· Helping a child to dress
· Packing lunches
· Fetching items
· Supervising homework
· Constantly reminding

By doing things for our children that they can do for themselves, we deprive them of critical opportunities to develop into independent adults. It keeps them from learning basic lessons of life, or of thinking beyond their own needs.


Kids need to believe they are capable. They don’t develop this belief by hearing their parents tell them they are capable, they develop it by experiences that help them practice it.

When over indulged children become adults, they may become angry at not knowing how to manage money, or may have trouble knowing when enough is enough, in their eating, shopping, or drinking habits. They may be slower to learn life skills, such as perseverance or coping with failure.


Believe me, parents are not all to blame. Our society has sold us on consumption, as if it is our patriotic duty to shop. Materialism, consumerism, and advertising have joined together to create very high expectations for the good life and a belief that we are all entitled to these expectations. Society fosters a sense of instant gratification and entitlement.

How can parents stop indulging their children?

• At a family meeting, tell your kids you've made a BIG mistake. They are going to start doing more things on their own and taking more responsibility for their actions.


• Together, identify ways that the children can become more independent.


• Teach them that freedom = responsibility


• Change entitlement to appreciation. Be a good role model yourselves for appreciation.


• Resist the temptation to give in to every desire your kids have. Stand your ground!


• Help them to get involved in small service projects. This helps kids develop empathy for others and realize how fortunate they are in comparison.
  

It takes courage and hard work to go against the demands of consumption in our society, but it is worth it to help our children grow into capable, kind, people who find the value of empathy and tolerance more attractive than the material items on display in the store window.