Routine as a Higher Power

There is so much to be said about setting limits and routines for all ages. When we set limits and routines when our children are young, we can relax them as they grow and take on their responsibility.

When asked for ID sometimes, at a bar or when pulled over by a cop, we know it is the rules. It isn't about someone judging you. It's nothing personal - it's just the rules. Objective not subjective. Rules are the higher authority, not personal power.
Think of how many power struggles you could avert by practicing this idea with your children? When your child asks you for a cookie and you say "no-not now-because I said so" you are being very subjective and random. When you get fed up and say "clean up this mess" you are expressing your personal desire for tidiness.
You will likely get better co-operation and less fighting if you create routines and enforce them consistently:
"Yes - you may have a cookie - at snack time. That is when we have cookies"
"Look - the clock says its 4pm, clean up time!"
Being consistent and enforcing clearly understood rules of the house without expressing your personal power will reduce fights and aggression with your children.

* picture: jwlphotography's photostream

Texting is a Good Thing?

Most parents roll their eyeballs when you bring up the issue of texting, but there might be something exciting to explore here.
The other day I texted my 16 year old. I was upstairs and she was in her room. "Want to watch TV?" Initially it feels silly typing to the person who is on the next floor, why not just talk? But the effect is different.
Maybe it is something like the old advice to take your kids for a drive when you tell them about sex so you don’t have to make eye contact. Sometimes it just feels more comfortable writing something intimate instead of saying it. We pay more attention when texting then when we are distracted with housework. It can be safer to have meaningful conversations and gain insights into our kids lives, hearts and minds that we may not have otherwise.

Why? Because it is their medium and their preferred way to communicate about some of this stuff. And again, while it doesn’t replace personal interaction, I believe it can enhance relationships.
Don't give up on texting so quickly. You might find some treasures there if you dig.

*Alyson Schafer

Responsibility

When should a parent start teaching their child responsibility? Now.
18 mos old - 3 years old: turns lights off while being carried, carry in mail, get kid-friendly snack from the cupboard, pick up toys & clothes, put soiled clothes or diaper in hamper or trash, wash vegetables, tear lettuce, stir, help set the table, feed and water pets, take clothes out of the dryer
4-6 year olds: All of the above, plus - help find grocery items in the store, help fold towels and wash clothes, pour things, water plants, sort white clothes from dark clothes, help plant a garden, assist in meal planning, empty dishwasher and stack dishes on counter.
7-10 year olds: All of the above, plus - get herself up in the morning, help wash and vacuum car, wash dishes, help read recipes, run washing machine and dryer, change sheets on the bed, help with projects around the house.
11-15 year olds: All of the above, plus - cook meals, baby sit, buy groceries from list, wash windows, change light bulbs, make appointments, order out for family, mow lawn.
16-18 year olds: All of the above, plus - run errands, handle their own checking account, maintain car, take care of animals, help younger children with homework.
Chores provide children with purpose. Keep those little hands busy. Getting your kids involved in household tasks early provides for them a positive context that they have a role to play in contributing to the greater good of the family.