Backing Off

I did a talk on Hyper parenting the other night. This is such an interesting subject these days. Thought I'd send a few thoughts your way.

Some parents seem to believe that if they aren't involved in their child's life 100 % of the time, then they are doing something wrong.

If we never loosen the grip on our children how will they learn to live on their own away from us? When we do all for our kids, we rob them of their own sense of accomplishments and the learning they experience when they make mistakes. This can lead to low self-esteem.

One way to back off is to connect with ourselves. It isn't being selfish. Don't look to your children to get your emotional needs met. Find other adult relationships, especially the one with yourself. If we depend on our children for our needs then we rob our children of their own childhood. There's enough pressure out there as it is for our children.

How will the quality of your life be better if you take time for yourself? Take a yoga class or read a book. Connections with our significant other is crucial. Children are actually happier when parents are happy.

* msabcmom - flickr

Calm?

Tips to get more calm in your home - set clear boundaries:

1. It is difficult at times to agree with your partner on how to parent. You really can't be together on all issues, but limits and setting routines are a good place to be agreeable. Discuss limits you want to see in your home with your partner at a calm time perhaps when you are out for a walk or a dinner. Kids know how to play off of both of you (as if you didn't notice), so it is important to present a united front on these issues. It is comforting and safe for them to know that parents are 'in charge'.

2. Be consistent. If there is no cookie before dinner, then stick to that. The one time you allow that cookie...well, you're back at square one. Your child knows that you do fold...just how far do they have to go to get that cookie? (Remember, they have more energy and stamina than you!)

3. Limits start when they are young, like brushing teeth or not jumping on the couch. When they mature, you need different limits. For example around homework, curfew, electronics. Ask your child for their input. (Kids cooperate more when they are part of the process.) It shows we have confidence in them.

4. Don't change everything all at once. Pick 2 or 3 things you would like to change and focus on those for now. Build your confidence up as well. You will see that when we react differently to situations instead of doing the obvious, kids will change as well.

*artisticcoshop - flickr

Simplicity

After the holidays, it may be a good reminder to bring simplicity back in your home life. It is hard for us parents to know how to handle the fireworks when our children have had too much sugar, acquired too many toys, and clothes. Innocently, we thought they would enjoy getting those presents and stuff!


Kids can become unruly, cranky, and whiny. This happens with over-stimulation. It could be over-stimulation in getting alot of 'stuff' or having a busy schedule, perhaps they are exposed to inappropriate information and images on TV or other media.

We can help by ensuring kids have:

• good nutrition
• routine
• good sleep
• time to just be

Can we take a step back and allow our children to get bored? That could stimulate them to explore, and play and just be kids.

Simplicity is being content with the basic gifts of life.

*photo: 4 Get Me Not - flickr